Tuesday, February 28, 2006
what a wonderful day. i was stranded. the bus broke down.
i was standing by the side of the road, wishing for my knight in shining armour(or a convertible will do) to stop right there in front of me.
a rescue, a salvation.
of course, i didnt happen.
everything's been fine. just a quarel in class yesterday, staying on the bus cause i didnt want to get off to walk that same route, listening to some pri sch girl talk abt her disdain for a certain sch, not studying for a history test and today, a confrontation that scared the shit outta me, concerned friends and vicki's "heart for beautiful jiemin" drawn in purple.
chinese & PW results will be out tmr. i mean, everything's going to be fine right?
looking back, maybe things wldnt be this bad if i didnt keep it inside.
they always asked "who can u see yourself loving" and no names or faces wld come to mind. til the time comes, i'll walk away from this inner desolation and get lost in the world around me.
i need to get away. like Jamie. get drunk, get high and be cynical.
alcohol liberates you, releases all the emotions that you hide inside, emotions that you try to deny existed.
Sunday, February 26, 2006
sweet november sparked off another bout of tears.
you gave me the sweetest november i could ever think of and for the first time, i actually wanted to say yes. if you leave now, everything would be perfect. that's how it would be for you while i run away from here.
everything's been making me emotional.
love me if you dare, hotel rwanda, sweet november and even lying in bed staring at the ceiling.
would you remember me? and keep me safe in your memories?
Saturday, February 25, 2006
yesterday was a night of revelry that started late into the early morning.
it was
Viva La Brazilia night at the Living Room after some trouble.
actually, i dont have much recollections of the what happened after that guy held out a glass of something lemon-y and i drank from it. except that i threw up for the first time after drinking and curling up on the couch.
i was intoxicated after 2 puffs and a few glasses. not mentioning the 2 consecutive challenges by the 2 men to finish my drink in 2 mouthful. everything came in two.
except for the beautiful girls who were with me.it was pretty dubious for them to get us a bottle of chivas for us girls to "enjoy ourselves". but it was too late to turn back.
tell me
just what you want me to be
one kiss and boom you’re the only one to me
so please tell me
why don’t you come around no more?
cause right now I’m
cryin' outside the door of your candy store
it just takes a little bit of this, a little bit of that
it started with a kiss, now we're up to bat
a little bit of laughs, a little bit of pain
i’m telling you my babe it’s all in the game of love…
whatever you make it to be
sunshine, set on this cold, lonely sea
so please baby
try and use me for what I’m good for
it ain’t sayin'
goodbye It’s knockin’ down the door of your candy store
just takes a little bit of this, a little bit of that
started with a kiss, now we're up to that
a little bit of laughs, a little bit of pain
i’m telling you my babe it’s all in the game of love
it’s all in this game of love
so please tell me
why don’t you come around no more?
Friday, February 24, 2006
this day of the months
not so long from now
spoke of hope and faith
but today, i'm going to have all the fun i can possibly have. Thank God It's Friday! yeah. not all those days have been one of all the happiness promised when it began.
she's always on my mind,
from the time i wake up
'till i close my eyes
she's everywhere i go
she's all i know
though she's so far away
it's just keeps getting stronger
every day
and even now she's gone
i'm still holding on
so tell me where do i start
'cause it's breaking my heart
don't wanna let her go
maybe my love will come back some day
only heaven knows
and maybe our hearts will find their way
only heaven knows
and all i can do is hope and pray
'cause heaven knows
my friends keep telling me
that if you really love her
you've gotta set her free
and if she returns in kind
i'll know she's mineso tell me where do i start
'cause it's breaking my heart
don't wanna let her go
maybe my love will come back some day
only heaven knows
and maybe our hearts will find their way
only heaven knows
and all i can do is hope and pray
'cause heaven knows
why i live in despair
'cause wide awake or dreaming
i know she's never there
and all these time i act so brave
i'm shaking inside
why does it hurt me so...
maybe my love will come back some day
only heaven knows
and maybe our hearts will find their way
only heaven knows
and all i can do is hope and pray
'cause heaven knows
- rick price
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
another monotonous day in SAJC. i`m planning on skipping sch tmr since there's technically only intl hist lect. not to mention i'm really really sick. (of sch and all the shits). just hoping my throat will get worse so that my mum will let me off.
on the bright side, i'm so keyed up about friday. plans with
dimitri, vladimir and mikhail. seriously, what can be more exhilarating than breaking rules? we can never get enough of it.
des says her cousin or niece's called jasmine lim jiemin. i wonder if she's as cute as des. (:
i'm still trying.
i still cant believe i was so retarded to actually sit at the door and wait after this dude left. i kept hoping and wondering. vic took 4months i wonder how long it would take for me. maybe tomorrow.
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
great escape #2 - walk the line.we were stopped at the junior sch exit. but the friendly 'O guard told us to try the back gate so we did. but the guard was sitting right there under a giant umbrella.. so, with movie at 1pm in mind, we made a dash for the gate.
it was hilarious, contemplating an escape route, deterred by a possible arrest.
walk the line was intense at particular scenes but some were simply draggy. it was definitely too long and the uncomfortable seats did not help esp since we were to go back to sch for lit lect. and the love was not as romantically portrayed as i would have expected. and some parts were pretty predictable. but the setting, Joaquin Phoenix as Cash was terrific. rock & roll/alcohol/junkies/ciggs coupled with a love story that never ends. i was quite affected by Tyler Hilton playing Elvis though.
You've got a way to keep me on your side
You give me cause for love that I can't hide
For you I know I'd even try to turn the tide
Because you're mine, I walk the line
my second escape from the clutches of sch in 2months. the first being us scaling the fence and hopping over to freedom.
i feel so worn out, drained & broken. i've been failing all my assignments. everytime i settle down to do work, i end up burying my head in my pillow every few seconds. then i give up and drift off into slumber, perhaps that's my way of running away.
Monday, February 20, 2006
In old days there were angels who came and took men by the hand and led them away from the city of destruction. We see no white-winged angels now. But yet men are led away from threatening destruction: a hand is put into theirs, which leads them forth gently towards a calm and bright land, so that they look no more backward;
Saturday, February 18, 2006
it's time for a new start. this should have started long ago so maybe the mistakes wouldnt have been made. but, well, Whatever. it shouldnt be this hard trying to forget a man who doesn't love me.
we sat through
"love under the stars" at innova jc yesterday. me, edwin, jiawei, benson, andrew, derrick and jovial. there to support RAY. some of the bands were really good nevertheless. it made up for the long trek through the bloody muddy path. the vocalist edwin was exceptionally spectacular. thoroughly charming. (me that is). and chris with the oh so sexy voice. (although he didnt sing). it started off with a big bang. then the atmosphere waned.
another long and now dark trek through the same field before we got to causeway point where we waited for the
star. wanted to leave after that but decided to stay for drinks & catching up. met huishan. who immediately insisted that i was there to support my boyfriend.
sat outside with drinks & lots to talk about. just me and the guys, thanks to the girls who played me out. thinking back. it's been quite a while since i had a chat with ray. seeing how we used to go on & on in class. and i had a dream. that we were on a bus, drinking & talking. and the driver came and told us off. and that driver reminded me of mrs foo. those were the days. when we were all happy.
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Sunday, February 12, 2006
Nonsensical Poetry - I Love You
I know I've made my mistakes
But it isn't part of my intention
To make your heart break
You are my Life
But if I did hurt you or confused you
Do pierce me with this knife
Know that I tried my best
and please forgive me
Because I made a mess
Darling, I love you
No matter how I screwed up
I still love you, I do.